I attended an online funeral: here’s my experience

Do you know about remote funerals? I didn’t until I experienced one firsthand.

I attended a funeral recently.

It was a typical British funeral for an old friend who I’d lost touch with years ago. The service was held in a crematorium in my city, led by a brilliant and bright funeral celebrant.

But I wasn’t physically there. Instead, I attended remotely and watched the service via a webcam placed at the back of the crematorium.

It was an odd experience. I felt like a fly on the wall, a voyeur into other people's grief, but at the same time, it gave me the space to grieve in my own way – not needing to perform to match other people’s emotions.

I didn’t realize remote funerals existed before I had been to one, and I bet you didn’t, either.

What is a remote funeral?

During the pandemic, we were forced to do everything remotely. Our jobs (if possible), socializing, school, therapy, you name it, we’ve done it online. Remote funerals are the same.

They are commonly live-streamed, and some services allow online interactions like you would do on Zoom or Google Meets.

The funeral, instead of being physical, is just hosted over the internet, making it accessible. You can have hybrid services, which are a mixture of in-person and online funerals, but more people are eager to have a fully online funeral service.

Why the demand for remote funerals?

Live-streamed funerals are designed for those who are spread across the world or for older people who may be in poor health, bed-bound, or unable to travel.

A testimonial from “Funeral Streaming,” a funeral live-streaming company, expressed gratitude for the livestream as the person who passed had friends in various places:

“As an Australian, all her family are in Australia, so it was important that they saw the service as it was happening – though it was 10.30 p.m. New Year’s Eve! There were others, too, in France, Spain, and even Colombia! Many in England are still accessing the recording. Many others will catch up at a later date,” said one testimonial.

The funeral can be recorded and watched later after the service has ended, which may help remember the person and help with the grieving process.

My remote funeral experience

After attending my friend's funeral, I was confused by what I had witnessed. It was amazing that I got to experience the service in whatever way I could, as I live overseas.

However, I felt like I was just looking down on everyone from a static perspective, looking in on others' grief and looking down on my friend’s coffin as it was brought in and placed on a stand.

It felt impersonal, as the online service was just done straight out of necessity and just lacked something.

I spoke to Ben from Funeral Streaming about my experience, and he immediately said: “Did you watch a crematorium livestream?”

Ben saw a gap in the market and wanted to offer a service that wasn’t just out of necessity but for people at home to have and keep this experience, this celebration of life.

So, when speaking to Ben, I got a glimpse into what premium funeral live-streaming looks like.

Funeral streaming: like you’re in the room

Funerals, by nature, are intimate gatherings. You wouldn’t want random people peering in on the celebration of your family members' lives, so it’s important that funeral live streams reflect this.

“This is an intimate thing, so we generally just have one camera at the back that we're always manning.”

Ben told Cybernews that the experience Funeral Streaming provides is different from what I experienced.

For example, there isn’t a security camera set up to deliver a static shot to mourners at home, like what I experienced. Instead, the shots are more dynamic and fluid, giving viewers the illusion that you’re actually there.

“With the camera, we're just trying to reflect what you’d be looking at if you were there yourself,” said Ben.

Ben and his team of six other streamers work across the UK to deliver their funeral streaming services.

During our chat, he told Cybernews the various methods they use to make those watching at home feel like they’re right there.

The camera is your eyes and ears

Ben explained that he uses different techniques that make the experience unique and engaging.

“If someone is speaking, we might do a slow zoom-in on them and frame them up next to the coffin. So when they start expressing themselves and start telling a story, maybe even gesturing to the coffin beside them, it has a bit more of a personal feel.”

If a hymn or significant song is playing, Ben and his crew may zoom out to reveal the church or the in one singular shot so that viewers can get an “overall feel.”

“We tried to translate it in a way that’s very natural to watch, so we’re just trying to include a lot of those details,” Ben told Cybernews.

“We’re really their eyes and ears, so we need to handle it in a way that family and friends can see as much as possible.”

While funeral live streaming might seem simple, there’s more to it than just pressing a button and hoping for the best.

Keeping “grief vampires” at bay

I was interested in the cybersecurity aspect of live-streamed funerals and wanted to know how the experience is secure. You wouldn’t want grief vampires hacking into your stream and intruding on a private funeral.

While some funeral streaming services might not be so secure, Ben told me that everything is private by design “so that our pages aren’t indexed on Google,” meaning that users can only access the service through a link.

“We share that hard link with the family, but it's also designed to be easy for anyone to use because, you know, they might be sending someone in their 80s who's not familiar with the stuff at all and doesn't want to be panicking on the day.”

While this could be a cause for concern as the link is only protected with a password and not with multi-factor authentication, Ben said the service is designed to be “private and open at the same time. "

However, this hasn’t stopped bad actors or so-called grief vampires from trying to enter or access streams without authorization, Ben told Cybernews.

But, to prevent streams from being tampered with or to prevent outages, Funeral Streaming works with multiple streaming platforms and internet providers.

So, if one network goes down or a streaming platform goes out, then they can just switch seamlessly to the other platform without viewers at home knowing what happened.

Streaming skeptics

While remote funerals are extremely valuable because they allow people to experience funeral services from afar, many are skeptical about the experience.

Ben explained that as funerals are emotional events, Funeral Streaming has always been aware that people may be confused by the concept of live-streaming funeral services.

However, there’s a simple way to elevate confusion and concern surrounding funeral live streams.

“What we've also started trying to do now is just reassure people with materials they can look at in their own time. But we've always been very aware that it's such an emotionally driven thing and it can be confusing.”

Ben told Cybernews that Funeral Streaming has guides and examples of what to expect on the day, how the team will present themselves, and what family and friends need to know about the team of streamers.