The algorithms in our head

So many influencers are trying to convince us that numbers don't matter – which makes me think they're all that matters.

The number of books you've read, your weight on the scale, your running speed, your salary, everything. We keep comparing ourselves to some golden standards and chasing streaks to define who we are.

Someone in the office is proud of never taking a sick day. But they came to the office sick more than once.

Someone is counting the books they've read for the Goodreads challenge. But because of the challenge, they favor thinner books, and forget all they've learned in mere days as more books need to be consumed.

Someone is happy only when the number on the scale reaches a certain standard they set for themselves. Not that anyone really notices.

Someone can't settle until they climb out of the 6-minute-per-kilometre range while running or are finally able to deadlift 120KG.

Someone only realizes they've been stressed because their smart ring says so, not because they actually feel stressed.

Then there are all sorts of Spotify-inspired wrap-ups, setting a numeric standard for you to compare. Apparently, even Uber has its own end-of-the-year wrap now.

The mainstream discourse on social media is obsessed with these numbers. The meta-discourse (the discourse about the discourse) is judgy, with the awakened influencers taking a jab at our obsession with various numbers.

But every "it doesn't matter how much you weigh if you are happy" statement online smells fishy.

Your weight matters to you. If you feel better when you weigh less, why not chase that number, assuming it's healthy? A confident person is a beautiful person, and if they need to shed some weight to gain some confidence, so be it.

The number of books you read matters. I fail to see how "forcing" yourself to read at least 50 pages per day may be harmful. Yes, some challenges are quite disheartening, but you don't necessarily have to sign up for an online challenge. Just challenge yourself.

Running just for fun is also not for everyone. It is only natural to want to be better after a while – to go faster or cover longer distances. Why would we frown upon improvement?

It becomes harmful only when you start comparing yourself to others. I know I've swallowed that bait quite a few times. Goodreads and Strava annoy me a lot, as for a moment I forget who I am and feel stressed about not having read 200 books per year or not having run a marathon in under four hours.

That's the thing with social media – you get sucked in and forget who you are. Maybe simply completing a marathon is an enormous achievement for someone.

It's not all supposed to be smooth sailing. Sometimes, we need to face the hard truth and see those numbers, be it your weight or cholesterol level. Or the wrap-up of how much money you spent buying crap on TikTok (big tech conveniently doesn't offer these sorts of yearly summaries).

And yet, social media is not entirely harmful. I keep repeating that we have to compare ourselves to people who are better than us if we want to achieve something.

Find someone who inspires you. And strive to inspire at least one person in life.

Happy holidays, if you’re celebrating.