Idiots of the Internet: Musk beaten in game of Top Trump for moron of the month award
What do the President of the United States, a former Spice Girl, the CEO of Ryanair, and a Final Destination survivor have in common? Take a wild guess…
Welcome back to “Idiots of the Internet.”
This week, we’ve been blessed with more internet madness as nepo baby Brooklyn Beckham exposed his mother’s alleged “inappropriate” dance moves, Donald Trump proved he’s #unfitforoffice, and one woman did a celebratory TikTok dance after defying all odds.
These are the Idiots of the Internet, where we at Cybernews delve into the weird, rarely wonderful, and most of all, brain-rotting parts of the World Wide Web.
As someone who is afflicted with idiot syndrome, I thought it fitting to raise awareness.
Hugs and kisses,
Your leader,
The Supreme Idiot
Wait, they speak German in Switzerland?
Donald Trump, the president of the United States, attended the World Economic Forum’s conference in Davos, Switzerland.
Alongside spewing misleading information involving Greenland and the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO), which The New York Times has fact-checked for your pleasure, he also said something that didn’t quite sit right.
“Without us (the US), right now, you’d all be speaking German,” Donald Trump, the president of the United States (for a second time, may I add), said with his entire chest.
Perhaps he forgot the minor detail that German is the most commonly spoken language in Switzerland.
Roughly 60% of people in Switzerland speak German, where the conference was being held…
Say it with me, everyone – I.D.I.O.T – IDIOT!
Trump actually believes this is why he didn’t win the Nobel Peace Prize
In another Trump-date, the president of the United States believes that his pursuit of Greenland is the reason why he didn’t win a Nobel Peace Prize.
Donald Trump rage-texted Jonas Gahr Store, the Prime Minister of Norway, saying that, as Norway decided not to award Trump the prize, he would “no longer feel an obligation to think purely of peace,” according to the Financial Times.
President Trump added insult to injury by saying that the world is insecure as long as Greenland is not under the US’s control, “complete and total control” at that.
To secure his “win,” Trump said he’d ended eight wars since his second term in office, a claim which, going by his speech at Davos, might not be entirely true.
What do you prefer: “retarded twat” or “special needs chimp?”
Two CEOs went at it on X this week, spouting insults and low blows at each other over, you guessed it, WiFi.
Michael O’Leary, the chief executive of budget airline Ryanair, called Elon Musk “an idiot” after vetoing the use of Starlink internet on his planes.
“I would pay no attention to Elon Musk, he’s an idiot. Very wealthy, but still an idiot,” O’Leary said on a radio show Newstalk.
Musk retorted and said that O’Leary is “misinformed,” to which the Ryanair CEO responded by holding a press conference, addressing the beef and marketing their latest offer on seats.
While O’Leary, during the conference, claimed that Musk called him a “retarded twat,” Musk actually called him a “special needs chimp.”
Just to put it in perspective, Musk is the richest man in the world with over $766 billion, and O’Leary is also a billionaire, leading a $35 billion to $37 billion company.
These might be the informal leaders of the world, and that is terrifying.
Spice Girl steals the spotlight, it’s not the 90s anymore, Vicky
“If you wannabe my lover, you gotta steal the first dance from your son’s finance,” those were the lyrics, right?
Former Spice Girl, WAG of footballer David Beckham, and fashion designer, Victoria Beckham, has seemingly come out of retirement to steal yet another show. The show being her son’s wedding.
Brooklyn Beckham, the son of the Beckhams, spilled the beans on his parents' activities leading up to his wedding, oh, and during the wedding, which got the most attention from social media users.
In an Instagram post, Brooklyn Beckham claimed that his mother, father, and their team have been consistently going to the press, which left him with “no choice but to speak” for himself.
“My mum hijacked my first dance with my wife, which had been planned weeks in advance, to a romantic love song.”
Brooklyn claims that his mum, Victoria, had danced “inappropriately” with him in front of his 500 guests.
“I’ve never felt more uncomfortable or humiliated in my entire life,” Brooklyn wrote on his Instagram stories.
Victoria Beckham has yet to respond, but I’m sure she’ll be my idiot for next week.
Final Destination 7: woman cheats death, does TikTok dance
To truly immerse yourself in the Final Destination franchise, you have to suspend your disbelief and just go with the flow.
It’s true, the Final Destination movies are idiotic. How could you cheat death once, and then death comes for you over and over again, using an elaborate chain of events that would most likely never happen in real life?
But the concept of cheating death is something I could get behind, particularly after I saw this candid video of a woman who looked like she’d narrowly escaped a near-fatal situation.
A woman is seen dancing next to a completely wrecked car after what seems like a collision.
Cybernews could not verify whether the woman was actually in the car accident, but regardless, dancing in front of a totaled car that isn’t yours is equally, if not more, idiotic.
The source, Rain Drops Media, reposted the video to its 265,000 followers, and it received 1.2 million views and almost 1,000 comments.
X users seemed to agree with the woman, saying they would also dance if they emerged from a car crash unscathed.
Jesus, take the wheel.
Honorable mention: Celina 52 Truck Stop at it again
If you remember last week’s Idiots of the Internet, you’ll remember this hilarious marketing ploy by a sweet like Truck Stop.
This week, I stumbled across a new addition to the team, which involves Crisco, and a lot of it.
“Our short-lived ‘Employee Grease Lathering’ program has been discontinued immediately,” the Truck Stop said in an X post.
These beloved clowns said that they attempted to combat sexual harassment and “unwanted conversation” in the workplace by “coating our female cashiers in a thick layer of Crisco.”
“Unfortunately, the experiment had the opposite effect.”
The genius behind the Celina 52 Truck Stop’s social media account did say that they’re looking for new ways to make their employees look “unapproachable.”
Knowing this satirical online-only Truck Stop, they’ll stop at nothing to create fake content that people are still falling for.
Idiots!
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