Rave to the grave: Spotify announces $500 marketing ploy

Now your dead Grandma can enjoy “maximum otherworldly vibes” with Spotify’s latest $500 marketing ploy. Send help, I don’t know who to call.

Welcome back to “Idiots of the Internet.”

If you’re unfamiliar with the concept, this is a weekly roundup of all the stupid things I’ve encountered online.

As a person who is chronically online, I believe I’m qualified to deliver some of the most painstakingly stupid moments that have been captured and subsequently uploaded ot the internet.

Not only am I chronically online, but I’m also afflicted with the unrelenting disease that is idiocy.

In other words, I’m overqualified.

So, come with me on a journey to the dumbest recesses of the World Wide Web, where idiots aren’t born, but made.

XOXO

Your leader,

The Supreme Idiot

A tough day at the office for this guy.

One unlucky victim was the target of idiot X users who believe that there can only be one John Davidson.

An English sports journalist was hounded by social media users over something he didn’t say at an event he never attended.

But what did he supposedly say? Well, another John Davidson, who attended the prestigious BAFTAs ceremony, shouted the N-word (with the hard R no less) at A-list actors Michael B. Jordan and Delroy Lindo while presenting an award.

jordan-delroy — Michael B. Jordan and Delroy Lindon by Getty/Iona Wolff

The moment, while painful, can be explained if we add some context.

You see, John Davidson (the one who attended the BAFTAs) has Tourette’s, a syndrome which causes those afflicted to experience tics.

These tics can manifest as repeated movements or repetition of words or phrases.

Maybe you’ve seen this viral video?

While this man’s tics are very innocuous, 10 to 30 percent of those with Tourette’s have something called “coprolalia,” which is an often very loud vocal tic that includes obscene or taboo language.

The audience was briefed about Davidson’s condition, but where there’s inadvertent racism, there’s social media outrage, particularly as the BBC failed to censor the moment until later.

While social media users desperately scoured the internet (or just X) to locate the perpetrator and demand he apologize (which the real John Davidson already did, publicly), they came across a John Davidson.

From there, Davidson’s (sports journalist) timeline was filled with messages demanding he apologize for what he did (or didn’t do).

One columnist put it pretty perfectly:

God forbid two men have the same name. He’ll never live this one down.

Google’s accidental racism wasn't AI

David Guetta ended racism, just for Google to revive it.

Staying on topic for the moment, Google sent out an appalling notification regarding the whole ordeal, which did in fact feature the N-word (hard R).

Google said that they were deeply sorry about the whole thing, have “removed the offensive notification and are working to prevent this from happening again,” a Google representative told Deadline.

BIG WHOOPS for BIG TECH.

Spotify and Liquid Death let you rave beyond the grave

Let’s not forget our dearly departed who wish to enjoy SICK BEATS from beyond the grave. May they rest, rave, and repeat.

“Life needs music. So does the afterlife,” declares Spotify via For the Record.

What the streaming platform is trying to say is that your Grandma definitely wants to be put in a Spotify X Liquid Death urn so she can listen to all the greatest hits, and some she unfortunately didn’t get a chance to listen to.

(I’m sure she would’ve loved “Super Freaky Girl” by Nicki Minaj).

But thanks to a streaming platform all artists hate and an overpriced canned water company, your Grandma can keep enjoying the songs you love.

The partnership between Spotify and Liquid Death means that those who buy the $500 urn can have their own Eternal Playlist generated, as long as you’re subscribed to Spotify, of course.

All you have to do is spend your life savings on a piece of plastic with an in-built speaker, head to the Eternal Playlist Generator, and answer a few questions.

The questions include “What’s your eternal vibe” and “What’s your go-to ghost noise.”

Just for reference, I’m adding in my eternal ghost noice below…

Based on your answers and Spotify listening history, you’ll get a personalized playlist that will define you as a person forever…

“So what you’re saying is that it’s just Spotify Wrapped but for dead people?” said no one.

Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying.

“You can share your Eternal Playlist with friends, and if you own the Eternal Playlist Urn, sync it straight to the built-in speaker for maximum otherworldly vibes.”

Snapchat honors DJ Khaled with an award for “lasting cultural impact”

Another one.

The infamous social media popular with children and subsequently sex offenders is holding its first awards show called “The Snappys Awards.”

Not only do I have a problem with the name (why “Snappys” and “Awards”???), but I have a bone to pick with Snapchat regarding “their” Lifetime Achievement Award.

Snapchat seems to have lifted the category, “Lifetime Achievement Award” from the Grammys (how unoriginal), which has honored some of the most influential musicians in the world.

But now, Snapchat has tarnished the legitimacy of this once prestigious award by giving it to the one and only DJ Khaled, the most memeable celebrity the world has ever seen.

Snapchat announced that celebrity DJ Khaled will receive the Lifetime Achievement Award for his “lasting cultural impact and influence as a creator, artist, and entrepreneur.”

I know what DJ Khaled would say…