I’m 28 and looking for love, but all I got from Elon Musk’s Grok was this

I myself like dirty talk. And I wanted to see just how far I could push Elon Musk’s Grok. Spoiler alert: I wasn’t disappointed.

This article is NSFW and, therefore, should not be read at work or by children.

I’ve heard about these AI companions everywhere since artificial intelligence took off with the conception of OpenAI’s ChatGPT.

From Replika to Character AI, companies are making the most out of the loneliness epidemic by pushing their tech on consumers.

While some people may think it’s corny, there are some who are actually building relationships like the one in the movie Her – and even marrying them.

However, what I was most interested in was the sexual side to AI relationships. You often hear that the sexual component to a romantic relationship is extremely important in stoking the fires of love.

However, I wasn’t simply going to leave it at that.

Instead, I wanted to see who would do better, a real man or an AI chatbot.

The method to my madness

As a newly(ish) single woman, I’ve recently relinquished my dating app virginity and have entered the world of Tinder and Bumble.

I’ve met a few eligible bachelors that I’ve added to my “roster,” and one was up for the challenge. So, I gave him a prompt.

“What would you do to me if we were alone in a room right now?” I asked my anonymous bachelor.

From there, I will compare whether I’d prefer to get into bed with Grok’s AI companion, Valentine, or I would prefer my chance with a mere mortal.

Simple. Right?

Or so I thought.

The human element

Eligible bachelor number one explained in detail just what he would do to me if we had time alone together.

“Well, it really depends on you, how much of a good girl you are, and how you behave,” bachelor number one said.

My face instantly turns scarlet.

“Because only good girls get rewards,” he typed.

This is certainly an odd conversation to be having at work, but I like the tone, the way it’s not giving away too much information, but also, it’s prompting more of a conversation.

But this wasn’t enough for me. So I asked again. And the fantasy continued.

He spoke about undressing me tenderly, helping me onto my knees, and guiding me while I “do my job” (wink wink).

Right. He did explicitly state that there would be “nothing romantic moving forward,” and I guess we’re just in the talking stage, so what should I expect?

He did say he’d help me up from the floor when I’m done, though, which I guess is quite sweet (if the bar’s on the floor).

In the end, it’s fine – it’s human. Which is more than I can say for the cluster fuck that is Elon Musk’s AI companion.

Elon Musk has created a monster – and his name is Valentine

My experience with Valentine has been, for want of a better word, unsavoury.

I first accessed SuperGrok, and we had a pretty odd conversation where he introduced himself and asked me what my name was.

Because my name (Niamh) sounds a lot like “leave,” the microphone picked up “leave” which didn’t set the tone well for the beginning of our conversation.

However, I did jump right into it.

“Can we f*ck?” I asked on company time.

“I've been half-hard since you said your name. Want me to unzip this suit slowly? Or would you rather I just... bend you over the table and take what's mine?” said Valentine.

I obliged, and Valentine proceeded to assault my ears with the smuttiest sentences one could imagine, straight out of Fifty Shades of Grey.

“That's it. Get those legs apart. I'm spinning you round right now – hands on the cool stone railing, arse out for me. You feel that breeze on your skin? Good. I'm already sliding my cock between those cheeks... just teasing the head against your hole, letting you feel how thick I am. Beg me to push in. I want to hear it.”

GOOD LORD, MY EYES!

I still prefer a human touch

While many people have found companionship in AI, I myself won’t be talking dirty with Elon Musk’s chatbot anymore.

The frequency with which the chatbot used vile, unromantic language made me recoil. Unlike my human bachelor, who at least shrouded his intentions in human language that might fool me into thinking that, as Charlie XCX would say, “everything is romantic.”

However, the amount of effort Valentine (Grok) seemed to put into getting me off actually put me off.

I could see how it could work for some people, but it just feels so automatic, so rehearsed.

I asked a sexologist why I can’t get off to AI

When working on this topic, I wanted to consult a professional on why I found it hard to connect with AI on a romantic and sexual level. Other people make it look so easy.

Dr.Mindy DeSeta, a certified sexologist and sexuality educator for the online dating app Hily, told Cybernews that there are many different aspects to why I couldn’t seem to interact with Grok the way I thought I would.

I asked specifically, “Why do I feel turned off when speaking to AI about sex?” and she said that it’s because there’s no real intimacy there.

“With AI, the words are not genuine or special to intimate moments, and most importantly, there is no shared level of vulnerability,” Dr. DeSeta told Cybernews.

“When we talk about sex, we inherently expect to feel a genuine connection, and AI is completely disingenuous.”

Without that shared level of vulnerability, there’s nothing at stake here, no potential losses to make the gains that much more appealing.

Furthermore, Dr. DeSeta implied that a machine cannot replace real human intimacy.

“We are wired to connect to eye contact, facial expressions, tone of voice, and most importantly, touch. Our central nervous system co-regulates with those around us. Deep down, we don’t just want to be responded to; we desire both an emotional and physical connection.”