How to monitor my child's text messages on iPhone

As a parent, it’s normal to worry about who might be sending your child text messages and what they could be saying. In today’s digital age, child predators, doxxers, and cyberbullies are aplenty. What’s more, these people could potentially expose your kid to violent, sexual, and other inappropriate content.

To preserve your child’s digital safety, you need a reliable parental control app that will enable you to stay informed about your child’s conversations.

Together with the Cybernews team, I narrowed down the best methods for monitoring your child’s text messages on their iPhone. Keep reading below for more information on iPhone message tracking.

Why monitoring your child's text messages is important

Text messaging remains a convenient and accessible form of communication, which means it easily gets taken advantage of by people with ill intent.

There are many potential risks involved in letting your child use text messaging unmonitored, such as:

• Cyberbullying: Bullying has existed for ages, and now it’s gone digital. Up to 59% of teens in the US have been bullied online.
• Sexting and explicit messages: Phones have made sending and requesting sexual content easier than ever before. One study showed that 1 in 4 teens have received sexually explicit texts at least once.
• Scams: Scammers may use text to target younger victims, sending them links to dangerous or infected sites. The FBI reported that there was a 1,000% increase in the number of people under 20 years old scammed online between 2017 and 2021.

Protecting your child doesn’t have to mean a blanket ban on texting. In fact, completely banning texting can lead to resentment.

Instead, discuss openly with your kids the dangers of texting with strangers. Build trust so they come to you when someone texts them something inappropriate and dangerous.

Lastly, set up text monitoring on their iPhone so you get alerted when a dangerous message pops into their inbox.

Best methods for monitoring your child's text messages on iPhone

There are different methods on how to track text messages on iPhone. Below are some of my recommendations.

1. Use Apple’s built-in features

Apple has several built-in parental control features, such as:

• iCloud Sync: This lets you sign into your child’s iCloud account and enables syncing text across devices. This grants you access to all their text messages.
• Apple Screen Time: This setting allows you to limit who can contact your kids and lets you blur explicit images.

The downside of using Apple’s built-in iCloud text message monitoring is that you don’t get alerted of dangerous or inappropriate content. You’ll have to manually go through all their text messages, which can feel like too big an invasion of privacy and damage trust between you and your child.

2. Get third-party parental control apps

Third-party parental control apps excel where Apple doesn’t: they send you alerts when your child receives an inappropriate message. They can also monitor more than just texts, such as social media apps and emails.

Here are some of the best parental control apps I suggest you consider:

• Qustodio can monitor text messages on iOS devices, but it’s great even for families that also use Android and Kindle devices. I like its cross-platform compatibility, affordable plans, and user-friendly interface.
• Bark is ideal for kids who are social media-heavy users, as Bark monitors 30+ apps, including Facebook, Instagram, Discord, and Reddit.
• Norton Family has impressive web filtering for iPhones and iPads, allowing you to block specific sites. It also comes with Norton Family browser, which lets you see all of your kid’s searches.

Of course, these services come at a cost. Qustodio costs $4.58/month, while Bark will net you $5/month. Norton Family only has an annual plan of $49.99/year. All three come with seven-day free trial periods.

3. Take advantage of carrier-based monitoring

Some mobile carriers also provide parental control and content filtering. For example, T-Mobile’s WebGuard prevents phishing attacks, adware, nudity, and more as long as your kid is browsing the web using T-Mobile’s cellular network.

AT&T also has content filtering, as well as location tracking and alerts, so you get notified if your kid arrives or leaves home, school, and other locations.

While it’s better to have these features than not have them, carrier-based monitoring is usually limited to mobile data-based activities. If your child is using school Wi-Fi, for example, then your content filtering settings won’t apply.

Setting up monitoring on iPhone: step-by-step

You can set up text monitoring on your child’s iPhone using iCloud or text forwarding. I’ll discuss both of these processes below.

How to use iCloud to monitor text messages

To make this setup work, your child needs to have an iCloud account up and running. You’ll also need to know their Apple ID credentials.

To access their text messages, here’s what you need to do:

1. On your child’s device, open the Settings app.
2. Click on their Apple ID.
3. Choose iCloud.
4. Select See All > Messages in iCloud > Use on this iPhone (For iOS 17.2, iPadOS 17.2, or later).
5. Select Show All > Messages > Sync this [device] (For iOS 16 to 17.1 or iPadOS 16 to 17.1).
6. On your device, go to iCloud.com.
7. Sign in using your child’s Apple ID credentials.
8. If prompted, pick the device you want to monitor.
9. Follow any additional on-screen prompts.

How to forward messages from your child’s iPhone to your iPhone

You can have all your child’s incoming messages forwarded to your phone. However, for this to work, you’ll need an iPhone of your own.

Here’s how to set this up:

1. On your child’s iPhone, open the Settings app.
2. Select Messages.
3. Choose Send & Receive.
4. Sign in with your own Apple ID.
5. Go back to Message settings.
6. Toggle Text Forwarding on.
7. Choose the device you want the messages to be forwarded to.
8. Enter the verification code you’ll receive.

How to set up a third-party text monitoring app

Below, I’ll show you how to configure Qustodio to demonstrate how easy it is to use. Note that different parental control apps will have different setup processes.

1. Download and install the Qustodio Calls & Messages app on your Mac computer.
2. Enter your account details and log in.
3. Click Let’s Start.
4. Connect your child’s iPhone to your computer using a cable. Ensure that the cable is connected throughout the setup process.
5. Unlock your child’s iPhone.
6. When a popup appears asking you to trust the computer, select Trust, then Next.
7. Select Sync Now to all calls and messages. This may take a few minutes.

You can also use a Windows computer to set up text monitoring on your child’s iPhone.

Is it legal to monitor your child's text messages?

Text monitoring is a sensitive issue as it concerns the privacy and safety of children. In many countries, parents have the legal right to monitor their underage children’s online activities. Of course, legislation differs per region, so it’s always advisable to look up your local laws before beginning to monitor your child’s texts.

As children grow older, it’s important to balance supervision and privacy. Research shows that kids with parents who have displayed overly controlling behavior struggle with tasks that require assertiveness, independence, and autonomy.

Opening communication between parent and child about digital safety is essential in building trust. By talking about risks such as cyberbullying and online predators, parents can help children understand and accept the need for supervision.

How to have a conversation about text message monitoring

Talking to your child about phone supervision can be tricky. Here are some tips to keep in mind when you start a conversation with them:

• Reassure them about your intentions. Remind them that what you’re doing is for their own safety and that you’re doing this because you care for them. You can say something like, “I’m monitoring who you talk to online to keep you safe, just like how I check to see who you’re talking to when we’re in public.”
• Explain the risks of texting and other activities. Show them statistics or cite personal experiences from family and friends. Educating them lets them see that you’re not being paranoid and that you have legitimate reasons for concern.
• Answer questions openly. Encourage their curiosity by answering their questions openly and honestly.
• Be patient with their emotions. If they sound frustrated or angry during your conversation, show them patience or understanding instead of returning the hostility.
• Let them have input on the rules. Hear them out when they try to negotiate, but remember that you have the final say. You can say something like, “I understand that all your friends have unlimited phone use during weekends, so I’ll think about extending your allowed screen time.”

Conclusion

Monitoring your child’s texts is essential in responsible digital parenting. Fortunately, this can be done through several ways.

If you both use iPhones, then text forwarding may be the best way to monitor your child’s text messages. Alternatively, using iCloud’s sync feature and parental control settings allows you to read messages on almost any device with a browser.

If you need a more robust set of features, Apple’s built-in features may not be enough. Third-party parental control apps like Qustodio not only monitor texts but also introduce location tracking, content filtering, social media monitoring, and more.

Accessibility shouldn’t be your only concern when it comes to text monitoring. Ensure that your child is on board with your decision to monitor them, as this helps avoid resentment. Having an honest conversation with them and letting them know of the risks involved will go a long way in maintaining not only their safety but also your parent-child relationship.

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